Wow. 2015 went by so fast. Yet so slow. I remember just looking forward to the next event or whatever. Then the next event would arrive and then time would become a blur. And then waiting. I’ve been reading some of my old diary entries… and wow. I can’t believe the difference between January/June/August/October/Now. Like.. even two months ago. It feels like so crazy long ago. Almost like I was a different person. I think for my annual retrospective I’ll just write about my stats and the key questions that I stole from some other blog or read somewhere.

Emotional - I think I’m getting much better with dealing with my emotions. Things that would previously make me anxious or nervous is now a normal event. I’ve been practicing just being thankful for things that I have and other things and I think that made me much happier. I had so many irrational fears but I convinced myself to face them. And when I faced them… reality was much easier than what I imagined. Looking back… 2015 was quite the roller coaster of emotion. I think that I’ve gotten better at just being aware of my emotions and catching myself before I spiral into negative emotions. I’m gonna rate myself 8/10. Compared to last year though… I’m probably a 10/10.

Physical - I’m not in the best shape of my life. That’s unfortunate… I kinda went into maintenance mode for physical shape. I did hit a new personal record for deadlift this year and I’m at my current best. Plus I’ve been going to spin class and yoga quite regularly. I know that my flexibility is much improved since I can almost sit japanese style. Physical 7/10. Hmmm. Compared to last year… I don’t think I improved or gotten worse.

Relationships - I met some really amazing people this year. Got closer to friends. And became the person to organize and plan events. I think I still neglect relationships in favor of spending more time working on stuff and reading. I guess because I really enjoy a block of uninterrupted time to do whatever I want. Gonna give myself a 7/10. Compared to last year though I’m probably at 10/10 so that’s good.

Time - I’ve been reviewing my diary entries and it’s kinda crazy. The early 2015 me is so much different from summer me, who was different from September/October me. I’ve changed so much in 2015. It’s kinda crazy. I haven’t been working on that many side projects because work just takes a chunk of my mental power. But the good news is that I’ve been reading lots of books in 2015.

What did I gain this year?

I made some new friends and became the person that reaches out and plans stuff. I pushed my comfort zone to do things that previously made me nervous. I performed in a dance which at first was really scary but now it’s not that bad. I read so many amazing books.

What did I lose this year?

I got physically weaker again. I stopped some of my good habits such as keeping track of daily spending, meditation and other habits.

What are some of the highlights?

I think I’m starting to buy more into the you can think your way into reality. I think that no matter what… you get what you keep thinking of. So if all you think of is negativity and the worse case scenario… it kinda pulls you down and messes you up. Even if the worse case scenario doesn’t come true… you kinda lowered the result by thinking negatively. I’ve been trying to just think more positively. The other thing is that… almost everything that I planned/wanted for 2015 actually happened. It didn’t happen exactly the way that I wanted or envisioned it. But the end result is what I was dreaming / thinking of. It’s scary. Then again… looking back I think my life is like… all my dreams coming true. Moving to Silicon Valley and living by myself. I feel that I’ve grown so much and that there’s really nothing that I can’t handle.

What went great?

I got so much better from a technical perspective. I remmeber looking back at my diary entries from earlier this year. I would have borderline worship to some of my coworkers. Like they were so good. And then I built something that they couldn’t / didn’t build because they had to leave for vacation. I think I’m nearing the tier that I previously almost worshipped. 2014 I tried out ultimate frisbee and 2015 I got into dance. Just to push my comfort zone. I think the theme of 2015 is pushing my comfort zone. I think… probably soon that I’ll need to do a huge leap of faith… and I guess I’m just preparing myself for that. My thinking is also so much better. The CBT psychology book made me realize the blind spots and limiting beliefs that I had. I just learned this in December… so it’s kinda crazy. Already it’s changing the way I act / think about things.

What sucked?

I keep hitting a physical plateau simply because I’m not working out / sleeping / eating properly. I can’t get stronger if I don’t treat my body well.

What do I wish was different?

I wish I was better. One thought is that… I wish that I tried harder. But.. looking back I know that I tried 100% in that given moment. But at the same time… I always think that I could’ve done more. I mean… I know that I could’ve done more in various situations. Like working at the gym and not pushing myself. But just going to the gym is major and good. It’s hard to explain. It’s always possible to do more… I think I just need to let it go. So I guess… I don’t wish anything was different. 2015 was a amazing year for me.