It’s so easy to lie to yourself. You make an excuse that sounds legit. But it’s not the truth. It’s just something that sounds good. I stumbled upon this thought when I was listening to Lie to Me. I have two versions of Lie to Me. One by Ne-yo and one by George. It’s funny how avoiding reality is so common.

I don’t hang out with that many people because you become similar to those around you. The thing about the average of your 5 best friends is true. But that’s just a lie. I’m just lazy. I could be actively searching for mentors and people that I want to spend time with. And besides… I think everyone has something to contribute to your life. You learn all sorts of cool shit by talking to people. And you hear about crazy stories which broadens your world views. One time I was talking to a lyft driver and he told me how he got to party with a crack head politician who was crazy into prostitutes. Politicians (reddit meme).

I keep thinking that I’ve hit my physical plateau. I won’t get any stronger. I won’t get any leaner. Because I’m old now. Lol. That’s so bullshit. The fact is I haven’t been going to the gym as frequently. I think I’ve only been going 8 times per month. When you should be going probably at least 12~15 times in order to see gains. I keep telling myself that I don’t have time to play video games. Or time to do x. But in reality I waste so much time visiting slickdeals and teamliquid.

I think it’s important to accept reality. Just by knowing the true reason instead of the lie… it’s like the first step to getting better. Kinda like the first step to fixing an addiction is awareness or whatever. Realize you’re lying to yourself and then keep doing whatever you’re doing. I’ve been eating so much junk food. I keep telling myself that it’s because I don’t have time to cook or whatever. But in reality it’s because I like junk food. Cookies and cheesecake and boba is so delicious.

My sleeping is… messed up again. It’s like 4am and I gotta work in 6 hours. I keep saying that I’m not a morning person.. but it’s because I choose to stay up late. And take naps. I took a nap when I got home at 8pm… and then woke up at 11. It’s like a vicious nap cycle that… I’m on. Simply because there are things I want to do more than sleep I guess. I deprioritize sleep… and then complain that I’m not getting enough sleep. When it’s totally my fault. =/

I think that everything is your own fault. Well.. a lot of everything. No point lying to yourself.