Wow. In less than 48 hours I’ll be flying to Tokyo. All alone with no friends and making my dreams a reality. Taking a year off to work on software and play video games has been my dream ever since I graduated Waterloo and living in Japan before I turn 27… both of them became giri giri safe. It feels really… different than I imagined it. I guess… it’s like the xkcd comic where you never feel like you’re ready. Kinda like permanent imposter syndrome except I wouldn’t really call it imposter syndrome. There’s the xkcd comic of some guy at the bank.

I’m looking forward to receiving my next future me email. I wonder what it’ll say. I forgot what I wrote. There’s this theory that I’ve been thinking of which is that you’ll always be as good / great / as shitty as you demand yourself and project yourself to be. I guess it’s like what everyone says where whatever you think of will come true or whatever. People who think that they’re poor will stay poor or whatever. Sometimes though… it’s really hard to change how you think. I know what limiting beliefs are and whenever I tell myself that I can’t… it’s like I don’t even try. Even though I know this it’s still difficult to think differently. Which is crazy. I’ve always wanted to be able to do the human flag… but in the back of my mind… I always thought that it would be too hard for me. I guess it’s like the people who are out of shape who always want to get healthy and workout. Somewhere in the back of their mind… they can’t believe or see themselves as as healthy and not fat or whatever.

My time in Toronto is essentially over since I gotta spend the entire day monday packing and doing research. It’s been established that I’m a goldfish with horrible memory… but what’s weird is that I feel like I’ve just been retracing my previous trips. It’s like deja vu but a different feeling. Or maybe exactly like deja vu. I go to a restaurant that I don’t remember going to… and then I end up ordering the exact same thing as I previously ordered and then it’s like… wow - I’ve been here before and I ordered exactly the same thing last time.

It’s already been established that I don’t believe in free will and that I think everything is predetermined. But even given that it feels strange to always end up choosing the same thing. Well.. back to packing. So much packing to do. But it’s work that I enjoy doing :)