私はConor McGregorのライブを見逃していました。私は信じて、彼が勝つことを望んでいた…と彼はした。しかし、まあ。私は大きな時間を計画していた。夏時間は日本時間をアメリカの時間に混乱させました。だから私は1時間ほど外に出ました。私は3時に友人に会うことになっていました。そして、私はすでに3時20分にそれを延期しました。それは嫌な奴隷で、歴史は生きているか…見せていた。私は本当に嫌な人になりたくはありませんでした…そして、私は後悔でいっぱいではありません。ちょうど私がそれを正しく計画しなかったことに失望した。 Blargh。夏時間は私を乱した。

私は私の計画を立てる必要があります。そしてより多くのポジティブに焦点を合わせます。今日は大変驚きました。しかし、同じ地区には2つのセントマークスのコーヒーがあり、お互いに10分かかるので、私は言語交換セッションを逃してしまったという一つの否定的なことがありました。 Blargh。私はただ一つしかないと思った。私はばかです。事は…私はそれを修正するいくつかのチャンスがあった…しかし、その後私は脳死した。一口。それは…私はもっとうまくやったかもしれないことを知っているので、ちょっと気分が悪い。エドガーが今日揺れてしまったとき、フォレスト・グリフィン対アンデウソン・シウバを精神的に破って勝つために回復しました。ああ。私は精神的に壊れたとは言わないが…私は精神的に沿岸にいる。

私は最初のアンドロイドアプリを完成させることに近づいています。今週末までに店に出ます。今私はちょっと…それを促進するために恥ずかしい気持ちで、UXが嫌になる。私はそれが吸うことを知っているが、私はそれをより良くする方法を本当に知らない。 = _ =

なんでも。何も打ち負かさず、何かをうまくやっていない方が何もしないよりも良いです。くそー。そのダブルベルト。そんなに尊敬する.

Wow. My reading speed has gotten much better. I can read the entire google translated thing in like… 5 minutes now. I feel pretty badass. Like… I can feel myself getting stronger. Bahahaha. Training pays off.

I missed watching Conor McGregor live. I did believe and wanted him to win… and he did. But damn. I messed up my planning big time. Daylight savings time messed up the Japan time to American time. So I was off by one hour. I was suppose to meet a friend at 3. And… I already delayed it to 3:20. It was be an asshole and watch history live… or show up. I didn’t really want to be an asshole… and I’m not exactly filled with regret. Just disappointment that I didn’t plan it properly. Blargh. Daylight savings time messed me up.

I need to work on my planning. And focus on more of the positives. Today was mostly amazing. But… there was one negative thing which was I missed a language exchange session because there’s apparently two St Marc’s coffee within the same district and like 10 minutes of each other. Blargh. I thought there was only one. I am an idiot. The thing is… I had a few chances to fix it… but then I was brain dead. Sigh. It’s like… I just feel sucky because I know I could’ve done better. Like… when Edgar got rocked today he recovered to win vs Forrest Griffin mentally breaking against Anderson Silva. Ugh. It’s not to say I mentally broke… but I mentally coasted.

I’m getting close to finishing my first android app. It’ll be on the store by the end of this week. Now I’m kinda… feeling ashamed to promote it cause the UX sucks. I know it sucks but I don’t really know how to make it better. =_=

Whatever. Some beats none and doing something poorly is better than doing nothing. Damn. That double belt. So much respect.

我没有现时看到conor mcregor可是我相信和希望他赢然后他赢了。太厉害了。我今天的计划错了。美国有时间改变可是日本没有所以我的时间安排错了一个小时。本来约了三点和朋友一起然后我已经次到了。可以做混蛋和看历史成真或者出去。不想做混蛋所以出去了然后没有设么后悔。既有一点失望因为我自己安排的不好。

我需要好一点做安排还有多点集中精神在快乐的东西。今天很好可是有一件事不好就是我错过了一次语言交流会，因为在同一个地区显然有两个圣马克的咖啡，彼此相距10分钟。 Blargh。我以为只有一个。我是一个白痴。事情是…我有几个机会来解决它…但后来我的脑死了。叹。这就像…我只是觉得吸吮，因为我知道我可以做得更好。像…当埃德加摇摆今天，他恢复了胜利vs Forrest Griffin精神上打破了安德森席尔瓦。啊。这不是说我精神上破了…但我精神上惯性。

我接近完成我的第一个Android应用程序。它将在本周末在商店。现在我有点…感到羞耻促进它导致UX吸。我知道它很烂，但我不知道如何使它更好。 =-=

做一点好过没做。，做不好的事情比不做什么更好。那双带。很尊重。

私はそれが愚かだった…今日早く泣きたかったです。何が起こったことだった…私はハッキントッシュは、すべてのものの作業で設定取得最後の… 2日間を過ごすためにしようとしてきました。私は三度私のマシンをレンガと私はそれはレンガしまったびにフルインストールをしなければなりませんでした。 GPUアクセラレーションは機能しないだろうか、音は動作しないだろう。醜いお尻のグラフィカルなグリッチがありました。私はそれが日未満を取ることが予想されるので、私は本当にイライラしました。私はちょうど私の推定スキルがオフであることだと思います。とにかく…以前の今日は、午後1時に私はすでにだけの作業OSXの取得に取り組んで1.5全体の日を過ごしました。私はそれが私は本当にイライラ作っ思います。私はすべてを落とし、ジムに行ってきました。にもかかわらず、私は疲れ感じていました。

私はジムに行って、それが通常のものでした。私はdeadliftsを実行しようとしました…と私は本当に弱い感じていました。しかし、その代わりに…何もしないで、私は20％〜によって体重を落とし、まだいくつかの担当者をしました。いくつかは、どれに勝るものはありません。私はその後、私は…私はちょうど私がちょうど10分を実行することができます…トレッドミル上で取得したい自分自身に言ったと私は今週やった最長の最高ペースの走行距離を実行してしまいました。だから私はかなり悪い感じています。

私は家に持って、私はそれを把握したいことを自分自身に言いました。そして、私はやりました。私のハッキントッシュは正式ラムとIntel HD 530 GPUアクセラレーションの64ギガバイトと協力しています。残念ながらRX470ない…しかし、うまくいけばすぐにリンゴが一緒に彼らのたわごとを取得する場合。私は私がより東京で私の時間を楽しむべきだと思いますので、別の休息日を追加することを決めました。だから木曜日/日曜日は無料の日になります。私はコーヒーを飲むと村上を読ん日。ふふふ。 :)

I wanted to cry earlier today… it was stupid. What happened was… I’ve been trying to spend the last… 2 days getting my hackintosh set up with every thing working. I bricked my machine thrice and I had to do a full install each time it got bricked. The gpu acceleration would never work or the sound would never work. There were ugly ass graphical glitches. I was really frustrated since I expected it to take less than a day. I guess that’s just my estimation skills being off. Anyways… earlier today at 1pm I already spent 1.5 whole days working only on getting OSX working. I guess that made me really annoyed. I just dropped everything and went to the gym. Even though I was feeling exhausted.

I went to the gym and it was the usual stuff. I tried to do deadlifts… and I was just feeling really weak. But instead of doing nothing… I dropped the weight by ~20% and still did some reps. Some beats none. I then I told myself I’d just get on the treadmill… I could just run 10 minutes… and I ended up running the longest highest pace distance run that I’ve done this week. So I’m feeling pretty badass.

I got home and told myself that I’d figure it out. And I did. My hackintosh is officialy working with 64gb of ram and intel HD 530 gpu acceleration. Unfortunately no RX470… but hopefully soon if apple gets their shit together. I decided on adding another rest day since I think I should enjoy my time in Tokyo more. So Thursday/Sundays will be free days. Days where I just drink coffee and read Murakami. Hehehe. :)

我今天早上想哭，真笨。这两天我全部的时间都用在OS X电脑上。可是三次把电脑动坏，GPU又没功能。很烦因为我预想只需要一天的时间。多数是我估计错了。今天一点我已经用了个半天的时间所以很烦。但是我还是去了运动。

去运动都是做平常的事，今天觉得特别累。原本可以设么都不做但是选择做平常的百分之七十。做一点好过没做。我跟自己说跑一点就可以了，然后结果跑了这个星期最快最远的步。感觉变成刘大侠了。

回家以后跟自己说一定做得了，然后做了。电脑可以用了。以后每个星期我都休息星期四和星期天。在日本可以轻松一点。

Wow getting pinyin typing working on OSX was so fucking easy. Shit. I struggled so much for Linux. I guess OSX is more user friendly… wow.

Totally google translate.

うーん。今日は仕事のほんの典型的な素晴らしい日です。

瞑想7.周りに目が覚めました。私のアプリに従事。朝食を食べた。ジムに行ってきました。ジムで私はデッドリフトのための私の古い自己ベストを打ちます。今日、私はプレートを削除すると…のような非常に努力を要するた点に働きました。あなたは最大の努力に入れ重みを返すのに苦労したときにあなたが知っています。これは、物理のために最大の努力に置くことは簡単です…しかし、それは精神的に来るとき、それは判断する多くの困難です。私は瞑想は、そのかかわらず、でアウトに役立ちますだと思います。

私はビデオゲームをストリーミングするために、アマゾンでのキャプチャデバイスを命じました。 PS4はヤクザのようなストリーミング機能に建てられたが、ゲームを持っており、ペルソナの両方がそれをブロックします。それはちょうど…ダムです。ため息。なんでも。そういうものだ。だから、私はペルソナ5.ペルソナ5は、これまであまり良く見えるストリーミングすることができます前に、キャプチャカードが設定しなきゃ。そして…最初の一時間で、私はそれの約70％を読むことができるので、私はかなり満足して感じています。フエ。フエ。

私はそれだけで気分が良くなりますので、それは感謝の気持ちを表現することが重要だと思います。私は本当にのような年前から私の夢を生きています。私は何とか私は私の夢現実作ってしまったことをとても感謝しています。それは運と仕事と信仰の組み合わせです。私はちょうど日本で毎日を楽しんでいます。私は音楽を聴くために停止…またはちょうどscenaryを吸収するとき、それは..のようなものです。コーヒーショップで村上を読んで、JRに乗って、電車のレールによって歩きます。以下のように。たわごと。ワオ。私はとても幸運です。

Hmmm. Today is just the typical amazing day of work.

Woke up around 7. Meditated. Worked on my app. Had breakfast. Went to the gym. At the gym I hit my old personal best for deadlift. Today I worked to the point where removing the plates was like… extremely effortful. You know when you struggle to return the weights that you put in max effort. It’s easy to put in max effort for physical… but when it comes to mental it’s a lot harder to judge. I think meditation helps out with that though.

I ordered a capture device on amazon in order to stream video games. PS4 has a built in streaming feature but games like Yakuza, and Persona both block it. That’s just… dumb. Sigh. Whatever. That’s the way it is. So I gotta get the capture card set up before I can stream Persona 5. Persona 5 looks so good so far. And… in the first hour I could read about 70% of it so I’m feeling pretty happy. Hue. Hue.

I think that it’s important to express gratitude since it just makes you feel better. I’m really living my dream from like years ago. I’m so grateful that somehow I ended up making my dream a reality. It’s a combination of luck and work and faith. I’m just enjoying each day in Japan. It’s like.. when I stop to listen to the music… or just absorb the scenary. Walking by the train rails, riding the JR, reading murakami in a coffee shop. Like. Shit. Wow. I’m so lucky.

Wow. My chinese is getting really bad. I had to use some google translate and this took much longer than I expected. I wasn’t limited by typing speed as so much as limited by thinking speed. O.O

今天很普通。

七点起床。冥想了。软件工作了。吃了早餐。去了运动。今天硬拉了我的最高的。运动完把铁板放回都没力了，很辛苦的把东西放回。知道自己尽力了因为返高难度。体力的尽力简单可是心里努力就很难说。我觉得冥想有帮助。

刚买了让我播放我PS4游戏。机器本来就有功能但是游戏作家却不给用，真笨。一定要买个电器才能播放。PERSONA5看起来很好玩。日语读的了大概百分之七十，感觉的听开心。

我觉得很总要的是需要感谢，感谢会令自己更开心和舒服。我现在是梦想的生活，几年前的梦想成真。我很感谢能梦想撑着。是努力，好运还有信仰才可能的。每天在日本都很好。听音乐是或散步的环境，在店里读书喝咖啡。我真好命。

So in my android app… I basically wasted a week. Or rather… from the outside it looks like I wasted a week. Sigh. I tried to be smart and try something new… and in the end I had to go back and use the tried and proven. I guess it’s always a trade off of… trying new things versus using knowledge that you already have. Getting more depth of knowledge vs gaining new breadth of knowledge.

There was a time when I wouldn’t enjoy the morning. After all… I grew up in the darkness. But now I realize that I’m just like regular people… the sun makes me happy. I think it’s in our DNA. Recently the weather in Tokyo has been so nice. And it’s so good to be able to wake up at 9am to sunlight.

Two of my friends visited Tokyo already. And I guess things are more fun with friends. In the past I think I would’ve just preferred to be alone all the time. On the other hand… it’s great that I’ve built up the alone power. Cause… living in Tokyo alone while not speaking the language would be quite tough otherwise.

I started rewatching kekkon dekinai no otoko on netflix with no subtitles. It’s great that I already know the story and I’m just using it to learn grammer. I’m still working through Murakami. I’m trying to reach one chapter per week… but it’s pretty hard. What’s funny is that the chapters in english takes me like 10 minutes to read.

urgh. I gotta work on language input… typing in pinyin and romanji is… slow. So I guess only english for this entry.

Google translate with some of my fixes

ただゴキブリを殺しました。それはおそらくメガゴキブリの私の以前の定義でした。しかし、今では同じくらい私を陥るん。それはのようなものです。バスルームから出てきた - >私の壁にゴキブリを見ました。くそ。ゴキブリ。 Urgh。スプレーをつかむ移動します。死にそれをスプレーしてください。それは死んだように、それは苦労見ます。そして…私はゴキブリをつかむために私の食器洗い用手袋を加えたトイレットペーパーを着て考えました。しかし、私は考え出した…成長考え方やその他もろもろを。それとも…恐怖のために暴露療法。私は手袋なしで組織を使用し、それの死体を拾い、それを流しました。私はスプレーを持つことはかなり大きな違いだと思います。あなたが壁にスプラットを作る心配をお奨めしません。

私は、四月は君の嘘を通して働いています。音楽とOSTがちょうど美しいですので、私は実際にそれを楽しんでいます。物語は、これまでのところ良いです…しかし、正直なところ、それは生命にそれをもたらした音楽です。私はそのようにアニメに漫画よりも優れていると思います。私はそんなに怒っスキルであるアニメ…原因のための作曲をした人だろう。私は仕事をしなければならないときいつか私はちょうど私の場所と実際のピアノに住んでいて、バイオリンを学びたいと思っています。いつか。

私は今本当によくアニメに字幕を読むことができるようにし始めています。それは… 解らない感じです。私はおそらくちょうどオーディオ/ビジュアルフィードバックによって学んでいると思います。それはアニメに来るとき、私も50のような％の精度で漢字を読むことができます。のような…私はそれを読むことができるかわからないです。でも、できるのに。 hehehehe。他の日、私は、その流暢な日本語でHKからこの女の子に会いました。彼女は教科書を介して学習し、私の心は吹き飛ばされました。あなたは教科書を介し流暢を達成しました！ NANYATE！しかし、私は教科書を通して…多くの人が学ぶ方法だと思います。本当に私のために退屈されて勉強していることをちょっとあなたのスタイルに合わせて、常に物事に戻ります。それは問題に複数のソリューションのようなものだ…本当の理想的な解決策はありません。か、理想的なソリューションは、個人に固有のものです。

私は短い毎日を書くことに戻って行くつもりです。私は唯一の365日間日本にするつもりですので。この時点でおそらく唯一の別の300日。私は毎日を活用し、感謝しなくちゃ。毎日が存在するため、:)

Just killed a roach. It was probably my previous definition of a mega roach. But now it does freak me out as much. It’s like. Came out of the bathroom -> saw the roach on my wall. Fuck. A roach. Urgh. Go grab the spray. Spray it to death. Watch it struggle as it died. Then… I thought about wearing my dishwashing gloves plus toilet paper to grab the roach. But then I figured… growth mindset and whatnot. Or… exposure therapy for fear. I just used a tissue without gloves and picked up it’s corpse and flushed it down. I think having the spray makes a pretty big difference. You don’t gotta worry about making a splat on the wall.

I’m working through Your Lie in April. I’m really enjoying it since the music and OST is just beautiful. The story is good so far… but honestly it’s the music that brings it to life. I guess in that way anime is superior to manga. I wonder who did the composing for the anime… cause that is so mad skills. Someday when I don’t have to work I want to just live in my place and practice piano and learn the violin. Someday.

I’m starting to be able to read the subtitles on the anime really well now. It’s an… undescribable feeling. I think I’m probably learning just by audio/visual feedback. I can even read kanji with like 50% accuracy when it comes to anime. It’s like… I don’t know how I can read it. But I can. hehehehe. The other day I met this girl from HK whose fluent in Japanese. She learned via textbooks and my mind was blown. You attained fluency via textbooks?! NANYATE!? But I guess that’s how a lot of people learn… through textbooks. Just that studying is really boring for me kinda goes back to always doing things according to your style. It’s like the multiple solutions to a problem… there’s no real ideal solution. Or rather, the ideal solution is unique to the individual.

I’m going to go back to writing short dailys. Because I’m only going to be in Japan for 365 days. Probably only another 300 days at this point. I gotta take advantage and appreciate each day. Because each day is a present :)

Yesterday I broke my plateau. It was… the greatest and stupidest shit ever.

It’s hard to tell the mental from the physical though… so probably not a good idea to just believe when you have no workout experience. Still… it blows my mind. All I had to do was… add more weight. And believe.

I think that’s the case for pretty much all things. If you think you’re lazy and weak… you’ll probably just act lazy and weak and it’ll prepetuate. But then how do we get rid of bad thoughts and get good ones? I’ve been skeptical of autosuggestion from think and grow rich… but maybe I’ll give it a shot. I mean… it’s probably better than praying to god. -_-

I went to Shibuya for Halloween yesterday. Shit. I think I am BJ Penning. Sigh. I think I just… learned some bad habits and thought patterns. Now I gotta unlearn shit and unlearning is probably harder than learning. Well. Whatever. Boku nara dekiru.

I’ve been coasting… taking it easy recently. The thing is it’s something that only I know. From the outside… it’s easy to lie to others… and even to myself that I’m trying. Well… in a way I am trying… but I’ve been trying with maybe 30% effort.

I’ve been working on my side projects recently. Currently I’m working on an a basic gimme Android app since I want my first app to be easy to build and just act as a warm up. But even that… my progress is slow. It’s like… compared to the me from maybe 2 years ago. The progress would have been like 100% effort results. But I’m much better than the me from 2 years ago. 30% now is equivalent to 100% back then. I’m making progress… but I’m not pushing myself to the limit… and if you ain’t getting better you’re getting worse.

Even if you aren’t actually getting worse. You getting worse compared to your optimal self. You’re falling behind in the growth curve which is essentially a loss.

On the path of least resistance… I think everyone does what is default easy. I’ve tried to construct the environment so that even when I take the least resistance path… it’s not the worse. In other words… my worse case is probably the ideal case for a lot of people. I’m not lazy…. I’m efficient.

Wow. I just wasted 20 minutes looking up procrastination and self-sabotage. It’s already been determined that this blog is purely for my own self reflection and helping others is purely a side benefit. So I’ve been trying to be more positive. You know.. optimistic people legitimately do better in life? Nah. I actually don’t think that’s really the case but I digress.

I’ve been sucking recently. Ok. I just re-read some of my old posts. Wow. I guess it is pretty amazing to write your shit down honestly.

I’ve been meditating daily for about a month which has beaten my previous streak. That’s been a pretty big positive. I accomplished this by making it my most important and first thing to do in the morning. My morning consists of wakeup -> piss -> drink a glass of water -> meditate. That’s a pretty solid habit chain. So that’s great. :D For when I look back.

Tak visited me recently. Or rather… he visited Japan and we got to hang out. We had ramen and he got to see my sweet place. I mean. My location isn’t ideal… but it’s really fucking great. Gym is 10 minutes away. JR Yamanote is 10 minutes away. I got a gaming desktop + ps4 + tv. Groceries is walking distance and of course convenient stores are super close.

Sigh. At the club yesterday… I just sucked. There were so many cute/hot girls that wanted me to talk to them… but I didn’t. Sigh. It’s like… back in the day I would probably talk to every single girl that crossed paths with me. And I actually sucked. I’d get so many rejections because I couldn’t read social interactions or advance the conversation etc. But now that I know all the correct actions to take… it’s like… I don’t do them. It’s like the fat person that knows that you gotta exercise but you don’t. Or the smoker that knows smoking gives you cancer but keeps smoking.

I think part of it is. I’m actually so close to realizing my dreams. I just need to release my 12 apps… and talk to Japanese girls. Maybe it’s a fear of success? What if it really is like what Jim Carrey says… and that when you’ve achieved all that you set out to achieve… you feel exactly the same. /shrug.

It was so sad. I actually prayed to god yesterday. I prayed to god that I would suck less. =___=”. Maybe that’ll be my lowest point in life… I mean. You know you’re at a low point in your life when you turn to god… and you’re a fucking atheist. lmao. The thing is that… you can believe in god or not. I don’t. But yesterday when I was walking towards the manga cafe just to practice reading manga. I walked by a cosplay gathering right by sunshine city. There was the cutest rin / emiria duo and I didn’t even talk to them. It’s like… I prayed to god and god giveth but I just wasted my chansu.

For future me: this is a message from current me. I’m sorry to all the super cute/hot girls that wanted me to talk to you. I really wanted to talk to you… but I didn’t. I blame self sabotage but either way it’s my fault. I’m sorry to myself for not taking the action that enable me to move forward. The status quo is the path of least resistance and I gotta keep pushing. Hopefully future me… when you do read this post. It won’t apply anymore. You won’t be like BJ Penn that wasted the opportunity and talent that existed. You maximized your stay in Japan.

It’s not really procrastination of failure that bothers me. It’s knowing the correct action and taking the stupid action that bothers me. And it’s okay when it’s conscious. I know that smoking pot will increase my chances of lung cancer… it’s just that I think the minor statistical increase in likelyhood isn’t comparable to the good feelings it brings me. And it’s a conscious choice. But when you make an unconscious choice to limit yourself… or to accept less in life. That’s the worse. And I’ll stop that.

Which reminds me. I have friends that work for less than their capable of earning if they just switched jobs. But they don’t switch. I think part of it is the fear of the unknown. A new job and interviews can be scary. But you shouldn’t let fear hold you back.

Oh yeah. I went to a jpop dance groove and megadanz class. I got to dance to fucking jpop. It was pretty amazing. Maybe old me from 2 years ago… wouldn’t have went because dancing is new and dancing in a foreign location with a foreign instructor is scary. But going to experience it… it was so much fun. Even though I sucked. I think I got worse. Or rather… jpop dance moves only have a 50% overlap with hiphop. And the fact I gotta learn purely through visual instead of having an explanation probably made it harder than the states. But shiet… it was super fun.

I guess that’s all. I wonder how the me who reads this and looks back will feel like. The me that looks back on my old posts… I feel pretty badass and improved. That meditation streak and the jpop :)

今日私のproteinが到着た。

食戟のソーマが見た。

gymでおっさんに話た